Super High Irritation Level
My daughter was super sweet to me this morning even though she has a virus with a fever and a rash. I think she likes the extra attention she gets from being sick. I should cut her a little slack but after busting my behind all day to get everything done and come home, after missing her like crazy all day, she screams at me when I come in the door. Puts her hands up to stop me from coming in. I have to hide in the livingroom till dinner is ready. She screams again when I come to the table and screams again "No! Don't sit there!!!"
WTF! I feel like I want to adopt another child and start over. When I have something she wants she suddenly snaps out of it. What am I doing here? Raising a Master Manipulator? I am so hurt by her behaviour tonight. She plays me like a violin.
A year and a half later we are still having troubles with her favouring her Dad over me. Still! I am soooo sick of it tonight. I want to scream! I hear her with her Dad having a tantrum pulling all sorts of shenanigans to avoid going to bed and I feel like I am having the same 2 and a 1/2 yr old tantrum inside. We've been going to therapy for this since she was 1 (with a little break over the summer) I feel like today it's been useless and it's only gotten worse with us since I went back to work at the end of March. But I had to do it. I took 2 years off to be with her and I couldn't afford it anymore especially since I was screwed out of having Mat leave (long story).
We have been reluctantly using the TV as a bit of a pacifier and we were all sitting together on the couch and there they were next to me cuddling. They seem to have a much stronger bond then I do with her. I hate this. I wish there was some balance. My husband is getting burnt out and I want to take on more so he can get a break but she wont let me take care of her.
We have therapy tomorrow and I will definitely cover this what I am feeling. I want to leave but I love our little family, but I cant stand this any longer. I feel punished enough for having the breakdown after she was born and going back to work this year.
WE have had some good moments, too many to record. Sometimes I think things have gotten better. But we too often slip back into this pattern and I slip into despair. I wanted a child so badly and I got one that hates me and doesn't want me and on some level I feel I am being punished for some evil deed(s).
Nothing positive tonight, no books or therapy or deep thoughts to offer.
Thanks for reading. Stay Well.
WTF! I feel like I want to adopt another child and start over. When I have something she wants she suddenly snaps out of it. What am I doing here? Raising a Master Manipulator? I am so hurt by her behaviour tonight. She plays me like a violin.
A year and a half later we are still having troubles with her favouring her Dad over me. Still! I am soooo sick of it tonight. I want to scream! I hear her with her Dad having a tantrum pulling all sorts of shenanigans to avoid going to bed and I feel like I am having the same 2 and a 1/2 yr old tantrum inside. We've been going to therapy for this since she was 1 (with a little break over the summer) I feel like today it's been useless and it's only gotten worse with us since I went back to work at the end of March. But I had to do it. I took 2 years off to be with her and I couldn't afford it anymore especially since I was screwed out of having Mat leave (long story).
We have been reluctantly using the TV as a bit of a pacifier and we were all sitting together on the couch and there they were next to me cuddling. They seem to have a much stronger bond then I do with her. I hate this. I wish there was some balance. My husband is getting burnt out and I want to take on more so he can get a break but she wont let me take care of her.
We have therapy tomorrow and I will definitely cover this what I am feeling. I want to leave but I love our little family, but I cant stand this any longer. I feel punished enough for having the breakdown after she was born and going back to work this year.
WE have had some good moments, too many to record. Sometimes I think things have gotten better. But we too often slip back into this pattern and I slip into despair. I wanted a child so badly and I got one that hates me and doesn't want me and on some level I feel I am being punished for some evil deed(s).
Nothing positive tonight, no books or therapy or deep thoughts to offer.
Thanks for reading. Stay Well.
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