Soldier On
It's been almost a month! I am sorry. This is a lot harder to keep up than I thought. I have been down, I went back to work for a week. At the moment we are all sick, Sick Family Robinson. Grandma even has the family cold. Right now I am in the car with the baby while she sleeps parked across the street from a cafe with free wifi writing this entry. When I upgraded to a better laptop I dreamed of this day except I am sitting IN the cafe with a coffee and a quelquechose. I also see an aquaintance pacing outside on her celphone, she's got those new skinny cargo pants and spikey platform lace up granny boots.
Yesterday I was in my mood disorder education group and was in a complete fog from a few sleepless nights I had this week and the cold we have all been fighting. The Dr mentioned on the break that I hadn't been saying anything. I explained why. I also remember at the beginning of the group that we were told we didn't have to say anything and I wish I had reminded him of that. I am learning a lot but I have major blocks about going on the drugs. Everyone else is medicated and seem to have had more hospilalizations and more spectacular symptoms than I have experienced so far.
I haven't come clean with you yet. I stopped my seraquel a few months ago. I decided to excersize my right to not medicate. Things have improved quite a bit. It was hard to fall asleep on my own the first few weeks but I felt better than having 12 hours of drug induced sleep. This makes me sort of a loose cannon. But I really hope that I can stay well and not medicate. Tricky because they are all certaint that I will have a relapse and it will get progressively worse. I am considering going on lithium, but the more I read about the side effects the more I don't want to take it.
Yesterday I was in my mood disorder education group and was in a complete fog from a few sleepless nights I had this week and the cold we have all been fighting. The Dr mentioned on the break that I hadn't been saying anything. I explained why. I also remember at the beginning of the group that we were told we didn't have to say anything and I wish I had reminded him of that. I am learning a lot but I have major blocks about going on the drugs. Everyone else is medicated and seem to have had more hospilalizations and more spectacular symptoms than I have experienced so far.
I haven't come clean with you yet. I stopped my seraquel a few months ago. I decided to excersize my right to not medicate. Things have improved quite a bit. It was hard to fall asleep on my own the first few weeks but I felt better than having 12 hours of drug induced sleep. This makes me sort of a loose cannon. But I really hope that I can stay well and not medicate. Tricky because they are all certaint that I will have a relapse and it will get progressively worse. I am considering going on lithium, but the more I read about the side effects the more I don't want to take it.
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