Parker and Me
Parker and Me and the Affair that never was
OK if I tell you everything promise you will keep an open mind. None of the names have been changed to protect the innocent and the guilty. Well I think they are guilty and maybe you will too after you hear this.
Parker. How we met. Future. Bright. The warning sign that I over looked? HE wouldn’t take me out in public. The only time I saw him was AFTER. AFTER he made some phone calls. AFTER he had meetings. AFTER he had dinner and drinks with friends. The call came usually after 10pm sometimes 11. We were going to go out for drinks. Or a walk. When he finally did make it over we would sit and ... Chat. Oh well it’s too late to go out now. Lets just stay here.
“Is it OK to hold your hand like this ? Is it OK if I hold you? Is it OK if I kiss you? Is it OK if I use you to help me figure out if I should finally marry my girlfriend that I had in New York all a long?”
(For the last ten years Parker and I have been playing the come here go away game.) You see my girlfriend and I bought property together in Brooklyn. Thank God cause when the second plane hit the tower I watched it from my roof top. I lost a good friend that was in the building at the time. Ever since then I have been questioning EVERYTHING.” ( But not everything that I have done wrong )
I kicked him out of my bed two years ago but he still comes sniffing around for my desperation. 2 am he buzzes my buzzer sometimes, too drunk to drive but not so drunk he couldn’t get it up one last time for me. It is THE shittiest sex I have ever had. Why bother?
I’m desperate to live happily ever after with him in New York in our brownstone with a couple of kids a nice wardrobe and an artistic life. This is my last chance to have the affair of my dreams. I am ready. Bring it on.
“Hey Parker why don’t you come over tonight AFTER you go out for your meeting with that famous Indie Director that you know I love and would die to work with.”
I go out and buy a cd he mentioned he liked. Some new lingerie, get my hair done, de-stress, de-louse, de-stink, get rid of every unwanted hair on my body. I haven’t been with anyone in the longest time. I am angry. I want to take it out on him. I want him to take me hard. I want US to rock the casbah! I call him on the phone. I am sweet. “Sure, yeah, as soon as you can. I’ll be up anyway ... I got that cd you were looking for. Oh don’t worry I have wine over here. Ok great! See you then!”
This goes against everything I ... mowing someone else’s grass ... The lawn! Picking the flowers!!! You know????
How does it end?
In a Blood Bath.
Think of someone else! For Pete’s sake!
No.
Parker told me he loved me. He told me he was afraid. He cried in my arms like a boy and I swore that I’d love him always. I do still. I hate myself for loving him.
I hate to be awake at night because I start to think. Pictures go through my head. Torture. The only way I can get them to stop is to drink, eat or go shopping. Then everything is a dream. The air around me is so thick. The light beams float.
Last night I was making love. Only this time I was the man. I was thrusting into her hard but I couldn’t see her face. There was sweat all over our bodies. When I exploded into orgasm I screamed and cut her throat There was blood everywhere. I woke up drenched. It’s that time.
Think of something else. (Pause to find it)
Calgon Take Me Away!!! From this Weird day! Financial burdens pressing. What is going to happen? I need to work on work stuff. Morning pages turn into night. Fuck the Artists way! Car insurance ran out two days ago. Ran out. Still drove. Snowing. Dangerous. Friends called. Parker didn’t. I need a job. Next obsession? What next? No E mail for me. Alienated mother. I am sponging off my step dad in anxious land. Will I survive? I thrive under pressure. Chiropractor on Monday.
Fuck.
Fuck!
Should I cancel! I want to see the Dracula movie on Tuesday. I want to check my Calendar. But I want to finish writing for Pete’s sake!!! Period. I’m not pregnant. No chance. Can’t imagine having anyone inside me or with me. Drowning in too much stuff.
Going to the library tomorrow will solve everything. Should I cancel my lunch date?. I dreamt of the beautiful man again. Will I ever see him again?
Probably not, besides he has a wife and four children. I wouldn't want a husband like this who is out talking to other girls. No siree!
OK if I tell you everything promise you will keep an open mind. None of the names have been changed to protect the innocent and the guilty. Well I think they are guilty and maybe you will too after you hear this.
Parker. How we met. Future. Bright. The warning sign that I over looked? HE wouldn’t take me out in public. The only time I saw him was AFTER. AFTER he made some phone calls. AFTER he had meetings. AFTER he had dinner and drinks with friends. The call came usually after 10pm sometimes 11. We were going to go out for drinks. Or a walk. When he finally did make it over we would sit and ... Chat. Oh well it’s too late to go out now. Lets just stay here.
“Is it OK to hold your hand like this ? Is it OK if I hold you? Is it OK if I kiss you? Is it OK if I use you to help me figure out if I should finally marry my girlfriend that I had in New York all a long?”
(For the last ten years Parker and I have been playing the come here go away game.) You see my girlfriend and I bought property together in Brooklyn. Thank God cause when the second plane hit the tower I watched it from my roof top. I lost a good friend that was in the building at the time. Ever since then I have been questioning EVERYTHING.” ( But not everything that I have done wrong )
I kicked him out of my bed two years ago but he still comes sniffing around for my desperation. 2 am he buzzes my buzzer sometimes, too drunk to drive but not so drunk he couldn’t get it up one last time for me. It is THE shittiest sex I have ever had. Why bother?
I’m desperate to live happily ever after with him in New York in our brownstone with a couple of kids a nice wardrobe and an artistic life. This is my last chance to have the affair of my dreams. I am ready. Bring it on.
“Hey Parker why don’t you come over tonight AFTER you go out for your meeting with that famous Indie Director that you know I love and would die to work with.”
I go out and buy a cd he mentioned he liked. Some new lingerie, get my hair done, de-stress, de-louse, de-stink, get rid of every unwanted hair on my body. I haven’t been with anyone in the longest time. I am angry. I want to take it out on him. I want him to take me hard. I want US to rock the casbah! I call him on the phone. I am sweet. “Sure, yeah, as soon as you can. I’ll be up anyway ... I got that cd you were looking for. Oh don’t worry I have wine over here. Ok great! See you then!”
This goes against everything I ... mowing someone else’s grass ... The lawn! Picking the flowers!!! You know????
How does it end?
In a Blood Bath.
Think of someone else! For Pete’s sake!
No.
Parker told me he loved me. He told me he was afraid. He cried in my arms like a boy and I swore that I’d love him always. I do still. I hate myself for loving him.
I hate to be awake at night because I start to think. Pictures go through my head. Torture. The only way I can get them to stop is to drink, eat or go shopping. Then everything is a dream. The air around me is so thick. The light beams float.
Last night I was making love. Only this time I was the man. I was thrusting into her hard but I couldn’t see her face. There was sweat all over our bodies. When I exploded into orgasm I screamed and cut her throat There was blood everywhere. I woke up drenched. It’s that time.
Think of something else. (Pause to find it)
Calgon Take Me Away!!! From this Weird day! Financial burdens pressing. What is going to happen? I need to work on work stuff. Morning pages turn into night. Fuck the Artists way! Car insurance ran out two days ago. Ran out. Still drove. Snowing. Dangerous. Friends called. Parker didn’t. I need a job. Next obsession? What next? No E mail for me. Alienated mother. I am sponging off my step dad in anxious land. Will I survive? I thrive under pressure. Chiropractor on Monday.
Fuck.
Fuck!
Should I cancel! I want to see the Dracula movie on Tuesday. I want to check my Calendar. But I want to finish writing for Pete’s sake!!! Period. I’m not pregnant. No chance. Can’t imagine having anyone inside me or with me. Drowning in too much stuff.
Going to the library tomorrow will solve everything. Should I cancel my lunch date?. I dreamt of the beautiful man again. Will I ever see him again?
Probably not, besides he has a wife and four children. I wouldn't want a husband like this who is out talking to other girls. No siree!
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