Saturday

Mood - Lo
250mg Seraquel 8pm

I have a hangover from being on a high yesterday. I woke up at 6:30am my Mum in law was over to watch the baby while my husband went to work and I was feeling to guilty to sleep so I got up and we had a bit of an adventure. We went to buy a car seat as Keaton is outgrowing her infant carrier. I did a lot of posting and writing last night and I manage to get to sleep by 12:30 but today I woke up at almost 2pm.

I thought I was going to be able to wake up early. My Husband is a mess today from picking up my slack and he is coming down with a cold.

Today I feel like I am too sad and scared to do all the things I had hoped to do and accomplish. I hear him crying in the next room and coughing. This has been really hard on him. I read some stuff about medications that scared me. I don't want to go on Lithium, it made this woman sick, gain weight and gave her the shakes. Seraquel gave her some of the same affects it gives me.

If I take a higher dosage it may or may not work better as an antidepressant and less like a horse tranquilizer. what I read today made me feel hopeless and I made the mistake of reading it out to my Husband and he feels hopeless too.

Yesterday I was also under the delusion that I had all the answers but really there are others out there who are blogging about their experience with BPD and probably doing a lot better job than I am going to do.

Today I got these books at the library. "Obsessive Consumption" by Kate Bingham  - Burt

and

"Touched by Fire" by Kay Redfield Jamison

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