I Knew this day would come

I knew this day would happen.

It's like she died all over again two years later. My Mum. I got the letter from the funeral home that they have her "Cremains" ready to pick up. I have to keep telling myself the same thing I told myself the day she died that it's not her anymore. I was with her on the Monday morning after her 81st birthday when she passed away and took her last breaths. Then it wasn't her anymore. I asked someone to take a picture and I still have it but haven't looked at it since that day. I wanted the picture because it didn't look like her anymore. I remember as the warmth left her body, that was her leaving her body behind. It's painful to remember it now, I've been so caught up in my baby girl's day to day thing.

I took a bath with her and sat her on my belly and looked at her and tried to keep from crying, because this was what was important. The new life I had in my arms looking at me and smiling. I am crying buckets as I write this. But that's what I set out to do on this blog was blog the ups and downs in real time.